i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
