I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
