Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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