the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
