Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
