cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
