Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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