we're blogging at a bar
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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