proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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