I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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