i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
