she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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