Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
