Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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