I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
