He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
