drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
