In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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