Your dad touched me again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
be right there i have to get my cape
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
