I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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