using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize