How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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