he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
