Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
