so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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