She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize