there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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