ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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