One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
