Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
