Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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