he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
