Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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