I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
