yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
