Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
