its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
