operation have a gay friend backfired
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
