Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
