i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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