i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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