Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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