In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
