I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
