He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
