Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
