Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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