even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
