Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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