But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
