The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
