Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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