he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
mondays should just be called national damage control day
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
