i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize