Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
