Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
