And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
