Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
