you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
