It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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