You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
