when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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