Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We have started to decorate penises.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
