So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
