Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This girl is more easily done than said...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
