i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize