She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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